Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
