Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
