if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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