i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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