He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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