i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
