did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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