your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I am morally bankrupt
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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