made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
