This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
