So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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