i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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