My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
