dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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