yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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