get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
