For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
