did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
