u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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