i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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