WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
