i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
