i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
