So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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