Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
