We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
