I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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