I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize