There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
