She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize