I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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