Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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