i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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