Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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