Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
