and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize