apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
