Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
