saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
two words...techno handjob
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
