Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
