Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
