She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
