Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
