I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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