just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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