Do you still have your period?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
