I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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