Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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