I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
