You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
