"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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