Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
