I wanna bring you to show and tell
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
