TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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