I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
