he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
