Sponge bath it is.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
