So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
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He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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