Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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