you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
