dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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