just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
