what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
