I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
