what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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