I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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