I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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