please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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