He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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