I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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