I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize