Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
