I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize