So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
