thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
