His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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