I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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