the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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