3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize