My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
